7 freaking years and 9 months, that's how much time passed since I've last been here.
Looking back at all the things that I've posted before... seems like I had a pretty shitty life... Well, nothing changed!
Oh wait... a few things changed! I learned how to say NO! and I QUIT!
Yeah, I'm not having any of the bullshit I was getting at the old workplace. But then again I've never gotten a new workplace, decided to go solo and became a freelancer for a few years and now I've got my own company although I'm still a one-man-show business. Let's see if we can do fast recap of the last years.
2013 - started running my own business, clients coming in, business was good, finally got my driver's license (took me 2 years and a lot of driving hours to finally have the confidence to take the exam).
2014 - made a stupid loan and bought a car, business was still good, life was stating to fall in place.
2015 - what the hell happen in 2015 ? Oh wait, we decided to get married in 2016
2016 - Major disappointment from my own father, I went home after many years, had a long fucking trip to get there, but surprise motherfucker You have to sleep in a crowded room together with us because we're not leaving, you can go sleep at the other place if you want. I'll probably speak my mind about this at later time. The wedding ceremony was Hell's Week Unleashed, probably one of the worse experiences of this Life. Later that year, we had to deal with 2 deaths and the shit hit the fan.
2017 - the shit was still hitting the fan but still managed to register as a company, got some new contracts and things were looking good, but it didn't last long. Got stabbed in the back by people I didn't expect, the whole fucking year was a mess, trying to recover from near bankruptcy and also dealing with a depressed new wife. Debt kept rising till it hit skyrocket levels. I finally managed to say clear NOs when needed and at the end of the year I've started to see the light at the end of the tunnel sprayed by the fanhitbyshit.
2018 - hard at work, cleaning all the shit and debt from the last year/s. Overall it was a good but tiring year. Replenished my hope and things were starting to look good again.
2019 - Still not 100% debt free, but we managed to have a good half of year, then my batteries ran out. Got tired as fuck, disappointed again by people that should support me. Disappointed by my achievements, by the life I have managed to build for myself, by who I managed to become and started to get more and more detached. So here I am, sometimes sulking for not doing the best I could do this year, sometimes finding excuses for my innactions and wrong decisions, and overall being a loser.
At the end of the year I met with someone from the past, and this meeting kinda snapped me out of my trance. Why the fuck would I give up on Life so early? Soon, a new year will start and maybe I should restart my life and pursuit of dreams again.
Sunday, December 22, 2019
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Time
It's been awhile...
What happened in the last 3 months? Don't know exactly myself.
Before 2013 started, I was fighting myself, my dark evil self, and he almost defeated me, but then again he went away, fallen deep inside within me.
So yes, things started to get somewhat better in the meantime. I got a little bit stronger and I feel like I can face this world again, although it's still hard, but I'm trying my best to find the right path to take.
Hope I'll get back here soon with a new story maybe.
Angel
What happened in the last 3 months? Don't know exactly myself.
Before 2013 started, I was fighting myself, my dark evil self, and he almost defeated me, but then again he went away, fallen deep inside within me.
So yes, things started to get somewhat better in the meantime. I got a little bit stronger and I feel like I can face this world again, although it's still hard, but I'm trying my best to find the right path to take.
Hope I'll get back here soon with a new story maybe.
Angel
Monday, December 31, 2012
One chain left
Madness? No! This is not Madness! There is only one chain left and I'll be free! Nothing will stand in my way after that.
The Devil Within.
The Devil Within.
I feel like a monster
After several days of constant fighting for the most idiotic reasons, today I lost it again, but this time she was close, too close to me, and I hit her. I hit her in her forehead with two fingers. A few days ago I threw a bag of bread towards her. I'm losing it! She manages to bring out my ugly side of me, she manages to bring out the monster from within me!
I can't stand her nagging, when she starts to yell at me, it's infuriating, I can feel my whole body being filled with rage and anger!
I have decided that we have no future together and I just hope I can keep my calm long enough to help her finish her studies, to help her still have some financial independence from her parents. But it's getting harder every day.
She wants to spend money and when there aren't any left, I'm to blame because I don't earn enough, while she earns nothing or close to nothing.
I''m a cheapskate for trying to spend money wisely and make it to the next paycheck without going overboard with loans. And when I have to payback the loans, again I'm the one to blame, because I loaned the money and did God knows what with them. At least that's what she's saying/thinking.
I'm tired! Way too tired to be able to go on like this. And I don't have the required strength to keep the monster within me at bay. It's crawling out and right now it's right underneath my skin.
Happy New Year 2013!
2012 was the year when I died!
Weakened Angel.
I can't stand her nagging, when she starts to yell at me, it's infuriating, I can feel my whole body being filled with rage and anger!
I have decided that we have no future together and I just hope I can keep my calm long enough to help her finish her studies, to help her still have some financial independence from her parents. But it's getting harder every day.
She wants to spend money and when there aren't any left, I'm to blame because I don't earn enough, while she earns nothing or close to nothing.
I''m a cheapskate for trying to spend money wisely and make it to the next paycheck without going overboard with loans. And when I have to payback the loans, again I'm the one to blame, because I loaned the money and did God knows what with them. At least that's what she's saying/thinking.
I'm tired! Way too tired to be able to go on like this. And I don't have the required strength to keep the monster within me at bay. It's crawling out and right now it's right underneath my skin.
Happy New Year 2013!
2012 was the year when I died!
Weakened Angel.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Changes...
Changed the URL of the blog, false-id wasn't really my type because I'm not FALSE, I'm here! And I'm growing stronger every day!
So the new URL of this blog will be Opposing Selves. I believe it's a better description of what is going on here.
Other than playing around in this environment, description, titles etc, I have no other things to rage about, for now. Let's say I'm calm, preparing my next move. :)
Silent Devil, rageless before the storm.
So the new URL of this blog will be Opposing Selves. I believe it's a better description of what is going on here.
Other than playing around in this environment, description, titles etc, I have no other things to rage about, for now. Let's say I'm calm, preparing my next move. :)
Silent Devil, rageless before the storm.
Bleeding Angel
Seems like all I do is waste time. I can't focus on anything, specially not on my work. It's like I'm just waiting for time pass, for this life to pass, forgot why is it that I am alive!
I am too damaged to go on like this! I can feel my will power weakening with each passing day. I have dreams, I have wishes, but they are all happening just inside my mind. I can't take action, it's like I'm stuck!
Wish I knew how to unstuck myself before I lose control. But it's like I'm waiting, I'm wanting to lose control and to give in to my darkside. To let the devil within me rise above and transform me into something I don't like but somehow I desire it.
I have lost my faith in this life, in this way of living, I cannot go on like this...
Bleeding Angel
I am too damaged to go on like this! I can feel my will power weakening with each passing day. I have dreams, I have wishes, but they are all happening just inside my mind. I can't take action, it's like I'm stuck!
Wish I knew how to unstuck myself before I lose control. But it's like I'm waiting, I'm wanting to lose control and to give in to my darkside. To let the devil within me rise above and transform me into something I don't like but somehow I desire it.
I have lost my faith in this life, in this way of living, I cannot go on like this...
Bleeding Angel
Monday, December 10, 2012
Crawling in dirt
Last post was 13 months ago, and the last one before that was 30 months ago. Interesting.
Seems like my brother is weakening and slowly giving in. It's OK! Although I haven't been posting much around here, I've reached surface many times in these passing months.
I can feel the anger growing and growing and with it my brother's power weakening and mine increasing. Soon, very soon, I'll be able to take full control over this human body.
It's not my fault, seriously it is not! It's just that this society we live in, isn't exactly fit for an angel! All the problems, all the mean things people do to you, all the backstabbing and mischievous actions taken against you, they all inflict deep and bleeding wounds on my brother's life force. But my time will come, because I know this world like the back of my hand, I know people exactly as they are, I can see evil in their soul just by looking in their eyes, they cannot fool me and I will not turn and walk away from any injustice or malice guided towards me.
I will make them rise thinking that they had their way with me again, and then push them into the pit of despair and they will regret everything, specially meeting me.
Now... what made me come back here? Well it seems like my foolish brother never really read what I've said in my last post and guess what? He is crawling in the same dirt, only deeper this time.
Achievements for the past 13 months? ZERO! Love life? Nonexistent! Although he is having a relationship and have been living together with the same girl for the past 4 years? 5? I've lost count. Professional life? Oh yes, this is a good one. He works for the same company, enduring all kind of shitty doings and for nothing!
Friends, social life, party? Ground level!
Health problems? Over the top! Looks? Decaying! Aged 20 years instead of 4!
But no worries, I'm here! And it looks like I'll be surfacing often in the next timeframe and if Angel Wings weren't good enough to fly through this thick poisonous air that we live in, I'm sure my Devil Wings will take us to the sky and beyond.
The Devil within.
Seems like my brother is weakening and slowly giving in. It's OK! Although I haven't been posting much around here, I've reached surface many times in these passing months.
I can feel the anger growing and growing and with it my brother's power weakening and mine increasing. Soon, very soon, I'll be able to take full control over this human body.
It's not my fault, seriously it is not! It's just that this society we live in, isn't exactly fit for an angel! All the problems, all the mean things people do to you, all the backstabbing and mischievous actions taken against you, they all inflict deep and bleeding wounds on my brother's life force. But my time will come, because I know this world like the back of my hand, I know people exactly as they are, I can see evil in their soul just by looking in their eyes, they cannot fool me and I will not turn and walk away from any injustice or malice guided towards me.
I will make them rise thinking that they had their way with me again, and then push them into the pit of despair and they will regret everything, specially meeting me.
Now... what made me come back here? Well it seems like my foolish brother never really read what I've said in my last post and guess what? He is crawling in the same dirt, only deeper this time.
Achievements for the past 13 months? ZERO! Love life? Nonexistent! Although he is having a relationship and have been living together with the same girl for the past 4 years? 5? I've lost count. Professional life? Oh yes, this is a good one. He works for the same company, enduring all kind of shitty doings and for nothing!
Friends, social life, party? Ground level!
Health problems? Over the top! Looks? Decaying! Aged 20 years instead of 4!
But no worries, I'm here! And it looks like I'll be surfacing often in the next timeframe and if Angel Wings weren't good enough to fly through this thick poisonous air that we live in, I'm sure my Devil Wings will take us to the sky and beyond.
The Devil within.
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