Wednesday, March 27, 2013


It's been awhile...

What happened in the last 3 months? Don't know exactly myself.
Before 2013 started, I was fighting myself, my dark evil self, and he almost defeated me, but then again he went away, fallen deep inside within me.

So yes, things started to get somewhat better in the meantime. I got a little bit stronger and I feel like I can face this world again, although it's still hard, but I'm trying my best to find the right path to take.

Hope I'll get back here soon with a new story maybe.


Monday, December 31, 2012

One chain left

Madness? No! This is not Madness! There is only one chain left and I'll be free! Nothing will stand in my way after that.

The Devil Within.

I feel like a monster

After several days of constant fighting for the most idiotic reasons, today I lost it again, but this time she was close, too close to me, and I hit her. I hit her in her forehead with two fingers. A few days ago I threw a bag of bread towards her. I'm losing it! She manages to bring out my ugly side of me, she manages to bring out the monster from within me!

I can't stand her nagging, when she starts to yell at me, it's infuriating, I can feel my whole body being filled with rage and anger!

I have decided that we have no future together and I just hope I can keep my calm long enough to help her finish her studies, to help her still have some financial independence from her parents. But it's getting harder every day.

She wants to spend money and when there aren't any left, I'm to blame because I don't earn enough, while she earns nothing or close to nothing.

I''m a cheapskate for trying to spend money wisely and make it to the next paycheck without going overboard with loans. And when I have to payback the loans, again I'm the one to blame, because I loaned the money and did God knows what with them. At least that's what she's saying/thinking.

I'm tired! Way too tired to be able to go on like this. And I don't have the required strength to keep the monster within me at bay. It's crawling out and right now it's right underneath my skin.

Happy New Year 2013!

2012 was the year when I died!

Weakened Angel.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012


Changed the URL of the blog, false-id wasn't really my type because I'm not FALSE, I'm here! And I'm growing stronger every day!

So the new URL of this blog will be Opposing Selves. I believe it's a better description of what is going on here.

Other than playing around in this environment, description, titles etc, I have no other things to rage about, for now. Let's say I'm calm, preparing my next move. :)

Silent Devil, rageless before the storm.

Bleeding Angel

Seems like all I do is waste time. I can't focus on anything, specially not on my work. It's like I'm just waiting for time pass, for this life to pass, forgot why is it that I am alive!

I am too damaged to go on like this! I can feel my will power weakening with each passing day. I have dreams, I have wishes, but they are all happening just inside my mind. I can't take action, it's like I'm stuck!

Wish I knew how to unstuck myself before I lose control. But it's like I'm waiting, I'm wanting to lose control and to give in to my darkside. To let the devil within me rise above and transform me into something I don't like but somehow I desire it.

I have lost my faith in this life, in this way of living, I cannot go on like this...

Bleeding Angel

Monday, December 10, 2012

Crawling in dirt

Last post was 13 months ago, and the last one before that was 30 months ago. Interesting.
Seems like my brother is weakening and slowly giving in. It's OK! Although I haven't been posting much around here, I've reached surface many times in these passing months.

I can feel the anger growing and growing and with it my brother's power weakening and mine increasing. Soon, very soon, I'll be able to take full control over this human body.

It's not my fault, seriously it is not! It's just that this society we live in, isn't exactly fit for an angel! All the problems, all the mean things people do to you, all the backstabbing and mischievous actions taken against you, they all inflict deep and bleeding wounds on my brother's life force. But my time will come, because I know this world like the back of my hand, I know people exactly as they are, I can see evil in their soul just by looking in their eyes, they cannot fool me and I will not turn and walk away from any injustice or malice guided towards me.

I will make them rise thinking that they had their way with me again, and then push them into the pit of despair and they will regret everything, specially meeting me.

Now... what made me come back here? Well it seems like my foolish brother never really read what I've said in my last post and guess what? He is crawling in the same dirt, only deeper this time.

Achievements for the past 13 months? ZERO! Love life? Nonexistent! Although he is having a relationship and have been living together with the same girl for the past 4 years? 5? I've lost count. Professional life? Oh yes, this is a good one. He works for the same company, enduring all kind of shitty doings and for nothing!
Friends, social life, party? Ground level!

Health problems? Over the top! Looks? Decaying! Aged 20 years instead of 4!

But no worries, I'm here! And it looks like I'll be surfacing often in the next timeframe and if Angel Wings weren't good enough to fly through this thick poisonous air that we live in, I'm sure my Devil Wings will take us to the sky and beyond.

The Devil within.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

17 months

17 months, that's how long it passed since I've last had the strength to speak...

I hate this human conscience, always trying to shut me down, send me back, lock me up, so that I cannot express my thoughts! I know.. I know.. he wants and is trying to be "good", to be the "good guy". Always saying the right things and doing his best not to hurt others with his words... But that's just bullshit... I wish he had taken my path instead of my "good-guy" brother's .

But hey! Here I am again, YOU CAN'T SHUT ME UP FOREVER! You are going to get tired from time to time, and then, just how it happend now, IT'S MY TIME!

What have you done in the past 17 months? NOTHING!!! Yes, that's right, you are still working at the same shity company, enduring everyday the same shity doings of your boss and boss's wife. What about your love life? How's that coming? Fucked up isn't it?

How about your self esteem? Lowest possible level ain't it? Stupid fuck! How long are you still going to go through the same shit over and over again doing nothing to change, just because you are too fucking afraid to hurt other's feelings? Fuck them! Fuck them all! Do you think that they actually care about you?

No! They DON'T! If they did, they would do something to help you!

You've got only one life man, and at the end of it I'll be right here, laughing my ass off, seeing you pitying yourself for not actually living it.

Take a look in the mirror, YOU ARE A MESS! And you look like more like shit with each passing day... Is this the life you we're expecting and dreaming at when you were a kid? I don't think so, because I KNOW! I was there! Remember?

Fuck this! I'm out,but I'll be back soon! Do yourself a favour and read and think of what I've said!

Your other self, the Devil within.