Monday, December 31, 2012

I feel like a monster

After several days of constant fighting for the most idiotic reasons, today I lost it again, but this time she was close, too close to me, and I hit her. I hit her in her forehead with two fingers. A few days ago I threw a bag of bread towards her. I'm losing it! She manages to bring out my ugly side of me, she manages to bring out the monster from within me!

I can't stand her nagging, when she starts to yell at me, it's infuriating, I can feel my whole body being filled with rage and anger!

I have decided that we have no future together and I just hope I can keep my calm long enough to help her finish her studies, to help her still have some financial independence from her parents. But it's getting harder every day.

She wants to spend money and when there aren't any left, I'm to blame because I don't earn enough, while she earns nothing or close to nothing.

I''m a cheapskate for trying to spend money wisely and make it to the next paycheck without going overboard with loans. And when I have to payback the loans, again I'm the one to blame, because I loaned the money and did God knows what with them. At least that's what she's saying/thinking.

I'm tired! Way too tired to be able to go on like this. And I don't have the required strength to keep the monster within me at bay. It's crawling out and right now it's right underneath my skin.

Happy New Year 2013!

2012 was the year when I died!

Weakened Angel.

No comments:

Post a Comment